Wynonna: A Portrait in Healing

The world lost a great lady when Naomi Judd (76) died on August 30, 2022. Not only was the fiery redhead a former nurse, a talented singer, and a compassionate philanthropist, but most important she was a wife, a mother, and a grandmother.

But this post isn’t about Naomi Judd, who I never had the pleasure of meeting. It’s about her daughter, Wynonna, who, together with Naomi, formed the successful, multi-Grammy winning, duo known as The Judds.

Wynonna was one of the very first celebrities I interviewed for my five page monthly column called Up Close and Personal, in Luxury Las Vegas magazine.

I saw her on the Oprah Winfrey show in 2004, and I was impressed with how vulnerable and brave she was when she let her guard down in front of millions of people and shared how “sick and tired” she was of being overweight.

She admitted that she wasn’t fat simply because she ate too much; she was overweight because she’d spent her life using food to stuff the pain from the unwanted feelings of anger, shame, guilt, and fear.

Wynonna is not alone. More than 58 million people in the United States are overweight; 40 million are obese and 3 million are morbidly obese.

In early 2006, I reached out to Wynonna’s publicist, and after trading emails back and forth, she finally confirmed that I had an interview, but it would only last 15 minutes.

Usually I spend at least an hour talking with the people I interview, and I wondered how could I ask 20 thought-provoking questions and get any worthwhile responses in 15 minutes. I agreed, hoping that once Wynonna and I started talking we would create a connection and she would give me some extra time.

In preparation for our interview, I read her autobiography, Coming Home to Myself. In this no-holds-barred memoir, Wynonna opened up about the years of deception and lies told to her by her mother, Naomi, about who her real father was.

In Naomi’s defense, times were different back then when illegitimate pregnancies were scandalous. There was another secret Naomi kept. That she’d been sexually molested as a child. She was a scared seventeen year old, when she reluctantly married another boy and let him think Wynonna was his. And once you bury a secret and tell a lie, years and years go by and it becomes harder and harder to undo that lie.

Wynonna learned the truth in 1994 when she was 30 years old. Wynonna said she was so stunned she couldn’t speak. “My heart started pounding and my ears started ringing. I felt sick to my stomach. I think my spirit left my body because I couldn’t feel my hands or my feet. I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t anything. All I knew was that I didn’t belong to anyone. Suddenly I was faced with having to forgive my mother for keeping the truth from me for so long.”

Wynonna had to learn to do more than forgive her mother. For six years, she had put off meeting her biological father fearing that he wanted nothing to do with her. She thought it would happen someday, that there would always be time. In 2000, time ran out when she got the news that Charlie Jordan had died. Now Wynonna faced the even bigger challenge of forgiving herself.

She said she was at the airport one day and a woman came up to her and said she was her cousin. She proceeded to tell Wynonna that her father kept every newspaper clipping and magazine article about her; that he loved her and hadn’t wanted to intrude in her life. It was a chance meeting or maybe a Divinely orchestrated one that answered a lot of questions for Wynonna and brought her some closure.

Anger, grief, guilt, and regret take their toll in various ways. It doesn’t matter whether we ignore or deny the pain, or dwell on it and relive every moment. It doesn’t matter if we forgo responsibility and play the victim who cries “poor me” or if we mentally beat ourselves up over and over again for relinquishing our power. To relieve the pain we usually engage in some kind of obsessive, destructive behavior that involves too much eating, drinking, shopping, sleeping, gambling, working, sex, or whatever else you care to fill in the blank.

In Wynonna’s case she admitted that her way of dealing with the pain was to stuff her mouth and her closets until she was not only in danger of having a heart attack, but facing bankruptcy.

Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.”

– Sara Paddison

LIFE LESSONS: Forgiveness is a hard thing to master. It doesn’t matter whether we are disappointed by a friend, devastated by a cheating spouse, betrayed by a parent, or angry at ourselves. Many times we have to hit rock bottom before we address the problem and make some tough decisions that lead to positive change. The sooner we are willing to recognize the truth, the quicker we can begin to heal.

The day of the interview I dialed the phone number I’d been given, and I immediately recognized Wynonna’s deep, earthy voice. I started by saying how much her book had touched my heart, and soon we were talking and laughing like old friends.

She asked me to call her Wy, and she called me “sister-friend,” an expression that reminded me of the movie, The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. It’s a term more commonly used in the south, but it feels like it has roots in the African culture. When Wynonna said it, I felt like I was part of her tribe. It conjured up images of women in a simpler, though not easier time, who watch out for each other. Sister-friends give you counsel, keep your secrets, take your hand and hold your heart.

When I mentioned the 15-minute time constraint, Wynonna laughed and said that her publicist was trying to protect her. “She knows when I start talking, I can keep going.” Sure enough 15 minutes turned into 90 as Wynonna opened her heart and shared her personal thoughts, feelings and pain.

LIFE LESSON – Don’t accept defeat! Work with what you are given and turn it around.

The first question I asked was what three words best described her. Wynonna answered “Wounded, passionate, and healing.” She blew me away then just as she did when she talked with Oprah.

Wynonna inspires me with her courageous fragility, her powerful tenderness, and her complex simplicity. After we hung up, I just sat there quietly basking in the spiritual glow that comes when two human beings connect heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul, even if only for a brief time.

You can ready my full interview by clicking on Up Close and Personal with Wynonna Judd.

In 2010, Wynonna and Naomi decided to go out on their “Last Encore Tour” – their first in ten years. Wy had lost 60 pounds and said she felt more alive.

From the first episode to the last, I was riveted to the screen watching how open, honest, and vulnerable mother and daughter were with each other, especially knowing that millions of people would be watching. It’s impressive anytime anyone is willing to let go of their ego, but in Wynonna and Naomi’s case, it is extraordinary, because when you are famous it’s even more difficult to give up the facade.

The moments leading up to the tour as well as the actual tour were all taped for a six-part series called The Judds that aired on Oprah’s OWN network.

Wynonna, 46, credited her life coach for talking her into the TV documentary.

“He said, ‘To see how far you guys have come, you have to do this because you deserve to celebrate where your relationship is now.’ So we said yes,” Wynonna said.

“I hope this show can be a testimony to what happens when you are ready to show up and roll your sleeves up, and get real and let secrets fly and lift the veil and be known.”

-Wynonna Judd

LIFE LESSON: One of the things Wynonna said she had to do was muzzle her ego. It takes a lot of strength and self-love to stop worrying about what other people think about us. And if it’s hard for the average person, imagine how difficult it is for those who are in the public eye where everything they say and do is under a microscope.

LIFE LESSON: We have little patience with ourselves and sometimes even less for the people we idolize. We elevate our celebrities to superstar status only to tear them down when they don’t live up to our expectations. We stand ready to attack at any given moment, incapable of understanding how those who have been given so much could abuse it.

LIFE LESSON: It doesn’t matter whether we are a household name or simply the star in our own life; it’s only when we are able to quiet that little voice within that bombards us with negativity, criticism and judgments about ourselves and others that we will ever be free. It may take a lifetime to subdue the ego, but it is only in mastering it, that we can stop being enslaved by it.

LIFE LESSON: We all have disappointments and regrets. We’ve all hurt others and ourselves. We all have people we need to forgive as well as ask forgiveness from.

Love yourself. Step outside your comfort zone and do something that stretches your soul. Set a big audacious goal and start with baby steps. Help others who are worse off than you, and find gratitude in the smallest things.

LIFE LESSON: When we lie down in bed at night, we should celebrate the things we did that day rather than complain about the things we didn’t do. It’s important to be kind to ourselves and learn to thrive, not just survive.

LIFE LESSON: I love when Wynonna says, “I can be a victim or a victor. I’m willing to teach through my mistakes and my victories.” We learn more from failing than winning. And yet when we fail and pick ourselves up and try again, we are winners!

LIFE LESSON: When the road seems bleak, and we desperately need to believe in something, put on Wynonna’s “New Day Dawning,” and rise like a Phoenix above the sadness and pain.

“Love Can Build a Bridge.” I hope Wynnona is healing from the loss of her mom. And I hope Naomi is finally at peace. The Judds, including Ashley Judd, are three remarkable, strong, courageous, honest, brilliant women. The two remaining Judds need our love and support and their privacy.